he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
