You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
