it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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