Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
