tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
