meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
