I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
