is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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