shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
