dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
