Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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