did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize