Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
