oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
