If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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