We're like a lot better than the average bears
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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