She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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