I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
