Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I look better un-naked...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
