First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I want her autograph on my taint
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
