Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
As shirtless as possible
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize