all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
