Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
