So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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