it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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