I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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