i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
