remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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