im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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