btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
