Do you still have your period?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
