Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
