I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
