So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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