barbara walters just said penis...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
