Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
