How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
