in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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