so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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