Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
