im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
