So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
