Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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