You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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