Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Randomize
