The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
