oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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