Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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