Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
