I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize