My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So many bounce houses so little time
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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