I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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