Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
