I am puke
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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