Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
