So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
