She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
