I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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