I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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