Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
