was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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