You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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