As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
