its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
