i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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