I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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