Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
