just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
